joy, gratitude, & hope

JOY!

On Monday, December 2nd a perfect little boy entered the world. We are all completely smitten by little Maxwell Ivor. He is very, very blonde, has a million faces, and is doing well. Mom and Dad are navigating the challenge of new-parenthood with good humor and gratitude. I can not wait to meet him in person on Dec. 21 and spend a few days together. Our family has been in strong need of excitement like this. 

We are so glad that little Max is here to boost us, because our last appointment with Dr. Drake was not entirely up-lifting. Perhaps you have done more googling than I had, but I was very much living in blissful ignorance of why the slogans for my treatments are phrases like "a chance to live longer." Dr. Drake provided the context that without the advent of immunotherapy treatments (that are less than a decade old--including clinical trials), the life expectancy was less than a year for metastatic RCC.  Anyone who is doing well for any length of time is one of the first to do so. This is why I really can't know what the future holds. The survival rates are improving--but the numbers you find are still very grim--especially if you google.

In terms of symptoms, I have had a lot more back pain. I have trouble twisting, or really anything that uses my lower-back muscles. Dr. Drake was concerned and ordered a bone scan. I had the bone scan the next day. This will inform treatment (possibly more radiation, possibly a switch to a different drug).

I am also going to see a pain specialist to understand if my pain is related to treatment or if it is related to the cancer, and then have an idea of how to move forward. Until then, I am trying physical therapy--which is fine, but I don't have much faith in this guy. My PT's assessment included "can you touch your toes" and then did some electrical stimulation. I feel like there could have been a bit more rigorous evaluation.

I have also found a new psychologist. Given the heavy realities and general uncertainty, I have been having a harder time lately. I am doing my best to be grateful for every day--I realize more now than ever that it certainly isn't a given. I am always grateful for the texts and phone messages--and your patience when I don't call you back. 

Chris and I are very much looking forward to spending time with my family over Christmas, and then taking some time to be with each other. We are going to take a cruise to Mexico for some sun and distance. We will ring in the New Year on a ship that is sailing into 2020 with hope for the new decade.